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    My version of a Totally Sque'd reality!

    February 25, 2005

    Enter At Your Own Risk!

    I'm making a new blog template here people. Beware of falling debris while I hammer out a few problems and get things back in order!

    Don't worry! I totally know what I'm doing. NOT!

    Stay tuned for further developments!
    February 24, 2005

    I cannot be held responsible for this, I had a fever!

    My apologies for not updating this week like a good little blogger, but snorting, sneezing and coughing up a lung or two took precedence over my new-found blog addiction. My absence from the internet has been brought to you by the letter F, which stands for Flu...Amongst other words I've been muttering under my breath.
    The highlight of my week was standing in line at Walgreen's, with a temperature of 102 degrees, an assortment of over the counter meds and a box of tampons, because yes, if you must know, its about that time TOO! I probably should have just stayed home, shivering under the covers on the couch, but venturing out into the world half delirious, PMS symptoms in full swing, with snot pouring out of my nose seemed like a grand idea at the time. So after standing in line for what felt like a twenty year prison sentence, I finally reach the cashier and put my items down. Cashier Boy starts tallying up my little shopping spree, at which point he discovers that the box of OB Tampons was open. Lovely! "No problem" he says, "I'll just run back and grab another package. I'll be right back". He comes back with a package of Johnson & Johnson rolled gauze and says "we must be out of the OB brand, but will this do? Its all the same anyway." I wasn't quite sure what to say and I stood there dumbfounded. For a moment I envisioned myself strangling him with the roll of gauze, but that eventually passed and I said, "well I'm not much into rolling my own tampons, but thanks anyway". He glanced at the OB box as he turned 14 different shades of red, realizing at that point that it was in fact, a package of tampons. I paid, and retreated back to my troll cave to hide under the covers.
    I'm sure at some point down the road, his girlfriend or future wife will want to thank me for that nice little emotional scar.
    February 18, 2005

    I just don't get it!

    As some of you know, I have been working on losing weight and getting into shape. The losing weight part is going ok and I have acquired a nice little collection of various devices for toning and such.
    Yesterday, I bought one of these...
    With my foot in a splint, I was only able to do a few of the exercises and the few I actually could do, left me struggling to maintain my balance. It took a great deal of concentration and control. I dunno, with all the sweating and muscle burning, not to mention all the aches and pains I have today, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I just don't get this whole exercise-ball craze, but it was a hell of a lot of fun just sitting and bouncing on it. With a good movie, a Dr Pepper and some chips, it might actually turn out to be the fun little piece of fitness equipment I've been looking for.

    February 16, 2005

    Tired of Chasing My Tail!

    Why is it I am always so far behind on everything!?! Do you people realize that my family and I have still not exchanged Christmas gifts? Why you ask? We were all sick as dogs on Christmas and the week prior, that's why. I did get to meet with my mother and her husband for dinner a few nights before Christmas so that was good, but this seems to be a pattern in my life.

    Yesterday, I had tons of things to get done that I'd been putting off. I really worked my ass off in an attempt to finally get caught up on everything. When I got home, I had been resting on the couch for only a few minutes elevating my swollen foot, when there was a knock on the door. It was my ass...Finally dragging itself home!
    February 15, 2005

    Tuesday's Tell-All

    Another week has passed and it's that time again! Time to tell us everything we want to know! Just copy and paste the questions below into the comments section and supply your answers. Everyone is welcomed to participate! As usual, I'll go first.

    - If you were a Barbie or action figure, who would you like to be?
    - Which animal do you most relate yourself to and why?
    - Which would you rather do - Shave your head or eat 10 live grasshoppers?
    - Name a band or recording artist that you are embarrassed to admit to liking.
    - Do you talk to yourself in private?

    1. If you were a Barbie or action figure, who would you like to be?

    Barbie! I've always wanted to be a blonde bimbo! Just kidding!!! I'd have to say Superman. It'd be cool to fly.

    - Which animal do you most relate yourself to and why?

    Probably a Cat. I seem to be able to understand my cats. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.

    - Which would you rather do - Shave your head or eat 10 live grasshoppers?

    Sorry, no fear factor guts here! I'd shave my head for sure.

    - Name a band or recording artist that you are embarrassed to admit to liking.

    Spice Girls

    - Do you talk to yourself in private?

    Yeah, I'm a pretty good listener and I hardly ever interrupt myself!
    February 11, 2005

    I'm A Bad Bad Blogger

    It's been a busy week here in the Sque household and I apologize for being so neglectful! I've been doing some top secret, under-the-table work that I shall not discuss for fear that the evil IRS people will come audit me and discover that I've already spent the cash I found under said table and therefore cannot pay them. I fear they might abduct me during one of my peaceful slumbers and force me to work in some sweat shop, in a third world country making little paper umbrella's to pay off my debt and a good paper umbrella maker I will not make, so yeah, uh...We won't talk about that any further!
    In other news, I talked to B a few times this week. He's been on mission after mission non stop and I can tell it's taking its toll on him. We had a long discussion yesterday about "gettin' hitched" because well, people our age should be hitched ya know and it's the middle of February and he's wanting to get hitched up during his R&R visit in MAY OF ALL TIMES! Not that I don't want to get hitched mind you, I love this man! Its just that MAY is right around the corner and we have nothing WRITTEN IN STONE saying that he will be here on any particular date and well, I'm not real fond of the idea of walking down the isle only to find that he's not gonna make it! If I will be forced into planning an impromptu wedding, I will in fact be needing his arrival date drawn in blood! Okay, scratch that, maybe not blood, but I will settle for a written notarized statement from the president! Thats not asking too much is it? I'll keep ya posted internet and let you know how it goes!
    Speaking of weddings. WTF is up with those silly Royals?!? Now I will admit that I've not been one to follow the royal family and all of their transgressions, but I have watched the news enough to know that Prince Charles has been bumpin' uglies with Camilla whatsername long before he was ever divorced from Princess Diana...And NOW THEY DECIDE TO GET MARRIED? Good grief..Hasn't he ever heard the phrase "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? I certainly hope they don't decide to produce anymore little royals. Only god knows what will spawn when you cross a royal baboon with an old cow! Did I just say that in my out loud voice?
    Gosh I'm feelin' catty today! Have a great weekend kiddies!
    February 08, 2005

    Tuesday's Tell-All

    Another Tuesday is upon us and here are this weeks questions! Lurkers feel free to join us! You're secrets are safe with us! Just copy & paste the top set into the comments area and spill the beans! It's that easy!

    - Name 1 thing you find incredibly sexy about the opposite sex.
    - Name the most famous person are related to or know personally.
    - What was your favorite subject in high school?
    - If you were to find a duffel bag with 1 million dollars in it, on the sidewalk in front of your house, what would you do with it?
    - If you could find a total cure for one disease, what would it be?

    1. Name 1 thing you find incredibly sexy about the opposite sex.
    Hands! Rough, masculine hands are sooo sexy and I have no idea why!

    2. Name the most famous person are related to or know personally.
    My first cousin is married to Estee Lauder's niece!

    3. What was your favorite subject in high school?
    I liked History and Geography. Mostly because we had a great teacher and he taught both classes. His classes were always fun.

    4. If you were to find a duffel bag with 1 million dollars in it, on the sidewalk in front of your house, what would you do with it?
    I'd ...Uh, keep my mouth shut and sit on it for a while. See if I could figure out where it came from, then probably spend it! LOL Sorry...I wouldn't steal from ya, but if its laying around out in public, I say finders keepers!
    5. If you could create a total cure for one disease, what would it be?
    Most likely Cancer.
    February 06, 2005

    MeMe Time!

    Rin made me do this and now I'm gonna have to show my age. Yall don't laugh, just pretend you know these songs, who these bands are, what I'm talking about and no one will get hurt m'kay? Good!
    1. Song that sounds like happy feels:
    I feel good - James Brown
    2. 2. Earliest memory: [Oops, left this one out before! Thanks Tasha!]
    Not sure how old I was, but I remember potty training and stuffing tissue into the toilet while I was sitting on this weird contraption I was strapped into on the toilet. I remember flushing and laughing about the water overflowing as I sat there watching it pour onto the floor! My mom had gone to answer the door and got tied up talking to whoever it was. She has a picture of me sitting there giggling, with water still overflowing! lol
    3. Last CD you bought:
    I don't buy CD's anymore, I steal songs off the net to taunt the RIAA!
    4. Reminds you of school:
    Elementary School - Having wings or "feathered" bangs was in style in Jr. High. I was in love with Leif Garrett, Andy Gibb and Shaun Cassidy...In fact, I used to practice kissing with Shaun Cassidy on his album cover. Grease and Saturday Night Fever were my favorite movies and soundtracks. We never missed Starsky & Hutch, Charlies Angles or The Love Boat. My parents loved Hee Haw - Ugh![Gah I feel old all of a sudden!]
    High School - Michael Jackson was one of my favs! Thriller and Purple Rain were in my cassette player a lot back then. Sonic and the Car Wash were our favorite hang outs. So were Sunday nights at the skating rink and Tuesday nights at the Dollar movie!
    College - Bonfire was a tradition we never missed. Madonna's first album came out and the "Madonna" look was something we all tried to attain! [Oh the shame!] The Edge, Sundance, The Dixie Chicken and The Baja Yacht Club were favorite hang outs. I was in love with Doug and he and my best friend started dating behind my back. They ended up married and are now divorced! Heh, that bad Karma catches up with ya everytime folks!
    5. Total music files on your PC:
    I have the right to remain silent don't I? Okay, 398.
    6. Song for listening to repeatedly when depressed:
    Currently - Remember When By-Alan Jackson
    I Miss My Friend By Darryl Worley
    I'll Leave This World Loving You-Ricky Van Shelton
    7. Song that sounds British, but isn't:
    I have no idea here. Tubthumping? It prob is British though!
    8. Song you love, band you hate:
    Goodbye Earl By-The Dixie Chicks
    9. A favorite song from the past that took ages to track down:
    Picture By-Kid Rock & Cheryl Crowe - Mostly because I didn't know who sang it!
    10. Bought the album for one good song:
    Wilson Phillips
    11. Worst Song to Get Stuck in your Head:
    That DAMNED Peanut Butter n Jelly Time Song!!!
    12. Best song to dump a beer on someone's head to, then storm out of the bar?
    Redneck Woman By-Gretchen Wilson
    13. Who should do this next?

    February 04, 2005

    Update From Iraq

    Good news from Iraq yesterday! B put in for his R&R leave a few days ago and found out that he will get to come home for 2 weeks sometime in May! *Does Happy Dance* At first we were thinking it would be sometime in July, so this was a nice bit of news for both of us! I don't know all the details yet, but they should be forthcoming in the next couple of months!
    He's been moved into his permanent living quarters this week and they are very tiny! Despite that, he has purchased a satellite dish and microwave from some departing troops. He is still on the look-out for a small refrigerator. I think it's pretty cool that they can get this stuff in the middle of a war zone. He has also been looking for a coffee maker so that the guys can come hang out and chill when they get in from missions. I may end up sending one over, but he's been checking the PX for one at each of the bases they go to. I sent his first care package a few days ago with some kitchen necessities, home-made cookies and other goodies. I wasn't exactly thrilled to find out it will take 3 weeks for it to get there. I'm not too sure how good 3 week old cookies are gonna taste, but I guess we'll be finding out! B already has a request in for some rice crispy treats and I told him they may be stale by the time the package gets there. He said he didn't care if they were hard as a rock, he would still eat them! THAT'S HOW MUCH HE LOVES those things and if the man wants some hard-as-a-rock rice crispy treats, then by golly he'll get some!
    They have been on a number of missions the past couple of weeks. During the first one, the insurgents fired an RPG [Rocket Propelled Grenade] at them and then a gun battle ensued. He said as soon as they started firing back, the insurgents fled on foot. Apparently they aren't real fond of targets that WILL ACTUALLY FIRE BACK at them! On another mission they found 3 IED's [Improvised Explosive Devices] along the road that they had to detonate before their vehicles could pass. Hearing about all this leaves me with some very mixed feelings. On one hand it makes me nervous to hear that they run into these kinds of situations, but then again, it makes me feel a little better knowing that they are able to spot trouble and handle it effectively. B of course, acts like it's no big deal! I beg to differ! It's a big f***ing deal when I hear someone has fired a grenade at someone I love, but hey, that's just me!
    Hope you all have a great weekend!
    February 03, 2005

    Something You All Should Know...

    This morning during my shower, I came to the realization that I do not have to shave my legs FOR THE NEXT YEAR and there is no one here to complain about it. What a liberating feeling! I can grow my own fur boots if I want! There is no need for me to sacrifice little furry creatures for a pair of fur boots, when I can grow my own! That sounds almost like a PETA commercial doesn't it? Not that they would ever allow me to be a member of their little club or anything. Especially after that incident at KFC when I nailed one of their members up-side the head with a chicken bone after he handed me one of their lovely chicken abuse toys for children. That was a pretty good feeling too!
    February 01, 2005

    Tuesdays Tell-All

    It's that time again. Time for Tuesday's Tell-All and here are the questions. As always, I'll be the guinea pig and go first. Whether you've participated before or this is your first time here, don't be shy! All are welcomed to participate. Feel free to snag the questions and ask your own readers the same questions too!

    This Weeks Questions:

    -Who do you think will win the Super Bowl?
    -Describe yourself using one word descriptions.
    -What is the strangest excuse you have used in an effort to get out of a speeding ticket?
    -Name one song that brings back fond memories for you.
    - Name your favorite cartoon show.

    My Answers:

    1. Who do you think will win the Super Bowl?

    The Patriots probably

    2. Describe yourself using one word descriptions.

    Caring, considerate, fun, sensitive, straightforward, compassionate, twisted, conservative, co-dependent, self-conscious, crude...

    3. What is the strangest excuse you have given in an effort to get out of a speeding ticket?

    LOL, I told an officer that I had to uh...#2 REALLY bad!!! It worked too!

    4. Name one song that brings back fond memories for you.

    The Eagles - I can't tell you why

    5. Name your favorite cartoon show.

    Sagwa - Love those cute little Siamese kittens!

    Where Do I Sign Up?

    okay, here is your warning. If you are easily offended, hit the X now!
    I found this article a while back and saved it because I thought it was kinda funny and now I can't find the link to it, but here it is anyway!
    New penis grown on boy's arm

    Doctors have grown a new penis on a Russian boy's arm after he lost his old one in a bizarre accident.
    The 16-year-old, named only as Malik, lost his penis after receiving an electric shock while urinating on an electric wire.
    Surgeons grew a new penis on his arm and have now moved it to his groin.
    The Russian Clinical Hospital for Children surgeons created it by putting an empty latex cylinder in Malik's forearm and pumping a solution into it every day. The cylinder grew on the boy's arm for 10 months until it took on the shape of a penis.

    Douglas Murray, a past president of the British Association of Plastic Surgeons, told Ananova this kind of plastic surgery was not uncommon.
    Mr Murray said: "He would probably be able to stand up and urinate instead of having to sit and do so."
    Now first of all, anyone who goes around pissing on electrical wires probably doesn't deserve a new penis, but who am I to begrudge a teenager a new pecker? Having said that, I'm curious if it's possible to have these kind folks grow me a nice firm ass and a new perky set of breasts!
    Jack LaLanne Juicer

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